Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
