Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
