so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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