Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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