I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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