So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
