nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
