we're blogging at a bar
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
