With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
