just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
