You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
