he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you had me at cake vodka
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
