Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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