I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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