haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
