Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
