Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
