Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
