WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
