I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
