She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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