Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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