I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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