If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
