You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
