I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
