sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
