I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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