You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
