Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
