I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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