Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
