hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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