I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
