3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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