where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
