Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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