Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
