i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
