god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
