I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
