no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
