Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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