If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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