I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
