How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
