good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
