i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
