this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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