My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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