direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
