it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
