Umm I'm too high to move.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
3pm strippers are depressing
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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