just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
