Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
