the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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