It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
