sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
