Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
