I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
