will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
