my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
